Date Rape - one girl's story

The issue of date rape, and date rape drugs, is something our parents' generation had never heard of. Yet in our society today it seems to be getting more and more common. Here we hear one girl's story.

"Looking back now I can't believe how stupid I was, how I let it happen. But at the time I just didn't realise until it was too late. I'd just been dumped by my boyfriend and I was feeling pretty crap about myself. There was this guy at work, he always smiled and flirted with me; it made me feel a bit better when I saw him. After a few weeks he asked me if I'd go out for dinner. I told him I wasn't ready for another relationship; I didn't want him to think I was leading him on. He said it was fine, that he understood, but that he'd still like to go out just as friends. So we went out, and we had a really good laugh. He was really sweet and cheered me up loads. Over the next few weeks it was nice just to have someone on my side, who knew I was going through a hard time and looked out for me. I was still gutted over being dumped but it helped a lot. A few weeks later we decided to go out again one Friday night, just as mates going out for a laugh. We lived about an hour away from each other, so he suggested I stayed at his place, on the sofa. I knew he lived with 2 other girls and I figured it would be pretty safe, so I said yes. We'd both had a crap week, so when we got to dinner we both hit the wine quite hard. He was more used to drinking than me, and a little bit in the back of my mind was aware that I was getting drunk faster than he was, but I decided there was no harm in it. He was a nice guy and he'd been a good friend; what was the harm in relaxing a bit? I'd had a shitty enough few weeks since being dumped, I deserved a few drinks.

It wasn't until the end of dinner when I got up to go to the loo that I realised quite how wasted I was. I remember sitting on the loo thinking "I have to sober up a bit, otherwise I'll make a fool of myself". When I got back to the table he'd ordered coffees and I gulped mine down gratefully, then we left and walked back down to his place. By the time we got there I was starting to feel really strange, spaced out and like I didn't know what was happening around me. He laughed at me and said he'd put the kettle on for one last cuppa before bed. I went and sank down on the sofa. I must have passed out, cos when I came round he was kissing me and trying to undo my trousers. I said no and told him to get off, which he did, saying he was sorry and he'd read the signals wrong. He put my tea down in front of me and said he'd get the bedroom ready for me and get the spare duvet for him to sleep on the sofa with. I remember feeling "I'm out of my depth here, but at least he's got the message now." All I wanted was to go to sleep. I still felt really strange; more so than just having had too much to drink. I felt like I wasn't in control of my body at all.

He came back into the living room and said my bed was ready. I got up and followed him unsteadily down the hallway. I vaguely registered that his flatmates weren't in but only because I was worried about waking them, not because I didn't feel safe. After all, he was my mate, and we'd sorted it out. We knew where we stood.

Or so I thought. When we got to the bedroom he pushed me down on the bed and started saying "I know what you really want". I kept saying "No, I don't want this," and trying to get up, but my arms were so heavy I couldn't control them, and then I passed out again. When I came to I was naked. He came towards me and I said "No" again as clearly and loudly as I could, but he ignored me. A third time I passed out, and when I woke up he was raping me.

Part of my mind knew it had all gone horribly wrong, but I didn't seem to be able to move or speak or stop him. I felt like my body weighed a ton and like I was wading through sand. Even trying to work my mouth felt like a superhuman effort. At some point while he was raping me I gave up fighting. It was too late. Eventually he rolled off me. I couldn't even get up. I was too foggy-headed to even feel fear, and soon the blackness came again.

In the morning, I woke up with the biggest headache I'd ever known. This wasn't an ordinary hangover, this was something worse. I felt like I'd been poisoned, or hit over the head. I tried to piece together what had happened, but so much of it was missing. I couldn't remember climbing the stairs to his house, I couldn't remember him taking my clothes off. But I knew I'd said no. Several times over. He'd raped me. All I wanted was to get out of there as quickly and safely as possible. I got in my car and drove home in a complete daze. I phoned my best mate on the way and went straight to her house. I told what had happened and she said, "But that's rape. We have to call the police". I said no and begged her not to. All I could think was that I didn't want any fuss. I had to work with him; how could I tell everyone at work their mate had raped me? Utmost in my mind was the knowledge that I had to get myself to a chemist and get the morning after pill. I HAD to stop myself getting pregnant. So we went and got the tablets and I showered. The rest of the day passed in a blur. My friend phoned a helpline and they said it sounded like I could have been drugged with a 'date rape' drug. They said I had to get tested quickly as the drugs exit the body very quickly, leaving no proof. I knew I should. But I couldn't. I couldn't cause my family the pain of knowing I'd been raped. So I did nothing. That night he texted me. He said he was sorry and he wanted to kill himself. He said he felt like a rapist. I said nothing. What could I say? He was and we both knew it.

Now? I don't see him anymore. He moved away. We still have a couple of mutual friends but they don't know. Only a couple of my close friends know. I think I'm getting over it for the most part. But I know that part of my trust was stolen that night. Now when a guy chats me up I'm not thinking "Does he like me?" like normal girls do. I'm thinking "Would he rape me?"

I should have reported him. But I couldn't have proved it, it was just my word against his and I thought people would say I'd asked for it. I was naïve, I accept that. But he said he was just my friend and I believed him. I thought I was going to a safe house with other girls there. I wish I'd been better informed, more aware of the risks. I thought I was in control but by the time I realised I wasn't, there was nothing I could do about it."

If this story has affected you and you need support, please visit www.rapecrisis.co.uk or call them on 0115 900 3560 for more information and details of support in your area.

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